didn’t proofread, just wrote…

22Feb11

Nobody comes and checks here anymore so I’m just going to write about my shit like whatever.

Lately, I’ve been feeling so shit. I’m not motivated to try at anything or care about anything/anyone/myself. Like, it can’t be a good thing if I be thinking like “yo, if my car crashes I don’t give a fxck.. less shit for me to worry about/feel shit about if anything happens to me.” (not like die.. I’m not that emo, but just if I get hurt I wouldn’t care) I was thinking this was just period moodswing bullshit but this is lasting longer than normal so I just have to let these feelings out. Not even trying to get attention but I just need an outlet and I’m too lazy to pick up a pen and literally write this out.

My mom pisses me off, my dad pisses me off, my brother pisses me off, university pisses me off, work pisses me off, friends are whatever, boys piss me off. I’m so fucking bitter about everything. I hate it. I hate everything. I just don’t care about anything… No idea what the hell is going on with me. Theoretically I have everything I really need (who the hell do I think I am to be complaining? whatever.):

- third year university student at a good school
- have a good job at the bank with pretty good pay for a student
- my marks aren’t horrible (70s)
- have friends
- workout, play sports, eat decently
- have clothes, phone, ipod, snowboard, etc..
- i’m not hideous or a stupid bish (I don’t think)

Still pissed off. Mother is a mean control freak, dad is a dumb fool, brother is lazy and selfish. I’m so good to them all but they — more so one of them than the others (we all know who),– insist on restricting the shit out of me and questioning the shit out of me about every fucking little thing I do. What the fuck?! Leave me alone I’m fucking 21 this year. I have never given you fxckers any problems yet you fucking keep me from doing anything I truly like or desire because why? Because I am leaving the house, I’m leaving you? “Oh no.. you don’t know what it’s like until you’re a parent” Fuck that shit. The more you restrict me the more you push me to rebel/want to treat you all like shit. So fucking keep at it and you’ll soon be saying bye to me doing all your shit without complaining.

Fuck everyone. Fuck school. Fuck work.

This had better be a fucking mood swing because I hate feeling like this.

I feel so ugly, so useless, so stupid right now. I couldn’t care less about anything right now. For real, though, I’m not even trying to get attention because when I feel like this I just want to disappear and not trouble anyone with my complaining or negative attitude. But nobody checks my blog anymore so I’m just going to write this here to get it off my chest. There was this picture I saw somewhere on the internet it said: (something like) “I’d rather stay quiet than explain my problems to people that don’t give a fuck”. This is how I feel. Just needed to vent right now.

Tangent:… I think tipping point for this anger in me comes from the fact that my mother isn’t supporting me in studying abroad for a month in France. She’s not going to help me fund the damn thing. And it’s not like OSAP will help me either, these fuckers income get me $0 assistance from the government. Yet, she won’t help me. Acting as if this is a vacation for me that I am doing for shits and giggles. Well fxck you know? I’m getting 2 university credits for this and international experience WHICH looks good on teachers college applications or my resume, so FU. Second, I’m not even asking for you to pay for the whole thing, I just want some help.

She once hated on someone for going away to some third-world country and spent like 5 or 6 thousand dollars on the trip. Saying like “if you’re going to use that much money, at least get something out of it for yourself like in school or work or something.” Yet she is being a hypocrite in not helping me out. This is school related. FU. All the shit I do and the fact I never give you problems with anything and I essentially do everything you want me to do… but you still won’t let me do this one thing. Whatever man.

So that’s it. I feel a bit better to get this off my chest.

 

Filed under: Uncategorized   |  Leave a Comment